MAMAN part I

November 24 2022

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Why do we like to be called Mommy?

Thank you all for your patience and excitement over this film, it’s really been a labour of love (get it), let’s go.

When me and Valerie connected over a shared love of deep discourse and being called Mommy we knew we had to become co conspirators. Over lockdown, out of the isolation and disconnection to our bodies blossomed into a fascination with experimentation. I saw someone online talking about taking breastfeeding herbs and fell down an internet rabbit hole of how to induce lactation, even in someone who has never been or doesn't have the possibility of being pregnant. We embarked on this journey together, putting our bodies to the test in a bio hacking experiment that ended up stretching out of the course of a few years. Taking pills and herbs and buying pumps, setting alarms and experimenting with what a body can be and do. 

This is the result of years of research, long conversations, intense protocols and thinking and rethinking what being Mommy is and means for us.

watch teaser / watch in full 

The film is an exploration of why are we into this and what is it that underpins and intertwines with this kink. It’s a dense subject and it will be embody 2 parts which could never go far enough to define what the potential in this exploration is for everyone, this is our deeply personal and non-exhaustive perspective.

Why is the sexuality of the mother archetype still so taboo?

The archetype of mother looms over us across cultures, it’s powerful and ubiquitous so it’s unsurprising that it can show up in our sexual psyches. Motherhood - a state of scared purity, a woman fulfilling their "god given purpose”, a women being useful - to explore the inherent complexity of the mother as symbol is to desecrate one of the most protected and venerated positions in society. Historically, the sexuality of mothers, people who are pregnant and wives is especially sanitised and minimised. No longer living, breathing and human with desires, wants and needs but simply precious and delicate vessels for carrying a man’s linage. This kind of dehumanising still continues in some part today.

The phrase “madonna / whore complex” was even coined in psychoanalysis to describe the way that men often desire a sexual partner who has been degraded - the whore - while they cannot desire the wife and mother of their children, the respected partner - the madonna. The irony here being that the continued popularity of the “milf” porn category suggests that mother’s who fuck still very much occupy much of our sexual imaginations. 

This push and pull with the archetype is what makes exploring the sexuality of the symbol of the mother so potent and powerful. It’s also why it makes it such a controversial topic to touch on. Just talking about motherhood is a site of deep complexity and vulnerability for many people, ourselves included.

In this first part we look into and then through the obvious taboo to unpick what makes this such potent and captivating space to play and fuck in. On the way we uncover the beauty of vulnerability, submission through comfort rather than pain, giving yourself up to a higher power, the role of pleasure and oxytocin in connection and milk making, playing with the implied gender of our body parts and fluids and the annihilation of the self in sex.

We look at why some people are drawn back to the closeness of the breast and the pussy and the warmth and the comfort and why getting to provide that, to immerse someone, to subsume them and feed them and reduce them to a needy open mouth is a different kind of power. We dive into the symbolism and significance of breast milk and what is so powerful about the connection of feeding someone from your body and why being consumed can be so erotic.

Coming from someone who was, for my sins, a child actor, I often think about ways that sex can be theatre. It can be a space to play out roles and ideas in the zone of the sexual stage and sometimes you desire an experience that confronts you, to say or do things you wouldn’t normally dare to. And sometimes, it’s just fun? Fun to step outside of yourself, outside of expectations and limitations, fun to try on different ways of being.

All role play like this is a little cringe and requires deep vulnerability and trust between everyone involved and an acceptance of the inherent silliness of it all. I often find calling sex “play” a little awkward but if we think of play in terms of ‘experimentation with no purpose other than our pleasure’ then it makes sense. We learn about all parts of ourselves through imagination and fantasy without having to be fixed in the limitations or dangers of reality, this learning doesn’t need to stop when we reach adulthood. 

What we desire is not separate from the world we move within - it intersects with past experiences of connection, touch, or trauma, which go on to form the foundations of our sexual selves. Things that give us the most pleasure can come from complicated sources. It’s one of the most fascinating parts of the human experience. Our desires are not always comfortable, easy or neat.

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Sex has this visceral pull, bypassing our polite, thinking brain and tapping into something inside our guts, inside our body. This is why it’s so compelling and sometimes unnerving. It can seem to sit in contrast to the way we think about our public facing selves, it allows us to explore untapped parts of our inner lives. it can make us feel out of control or undone. Desire isn’t about what you already have and are — it’s allowing yourself to explore the potential possibility of what you could have and do and be. Letting your imagination run wild and examining what it comes back with. We can and often should investigate what our desires tell us about ourselves and the society we live in but we should also free ourselves from the idea that they define our moral lives. Desires, for me, are questions to be explored without easy answers, which is why creating safer spaces in sex for trust, vulnerability and learning are so important.

All of this is to say, this film and this type of play won’t necessarily be for everyone and that’s ok! Exploring the never-ending complexity of sexuality is some of the greatest joys of this kind of work. I hope even if it’s not something you’re personally into it’s interesting to think about. If it’s something you’re viscerally not into and want to skip this one that’s completely fine too.

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For this, after a long hunt, we connected with JV, a sweetheart and total heart throb who we share an appreciation for the getting into the perverted heart of a thing with. JV was the consummate adoring, open mouth and dived into the welcoming womb of our project so perfectly. We had such an interesting conversation about masculinity, mommies, god, sex and bodies and fucking and it was a crime to have to lose so much of it in the edit. I love to connect with someone who fucks like a pervert, thinks deeply about it and doesn’t take themself too seriously. Couldn’t have asked for more.

We had so much fun shooting, I hope the serious complexity and the joyful silliness (I mean, there's 2 mommies) comes through. I won’t go too far into the content and I’ll let the film speak for itself.

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We’re so excited to bring you this and the next instalment with Sadie and Velvet where we go deeper into bodies, gender, softness and care and mommies who want to be mommied, coming soon.

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original score - four chambers

Breastfeeding my boyfriend, Channel 4 (2021)
Saint Bernard drinking Mary's breast milk
Madonna / Whore complex

lactation, breast feeding, mother/son related role play & language, discussion of daddy/mommy issues and kinks, taking of medication, make believe milfs.