Being degraded to me is sexual performance, it’s exploring a radical psychological and physical state of my body and emotions.
I strip the layers of my own sense of self, I caress a space of nothingness to bare myself, to love myself in a radical state of vulnerability. I empty myself and contemplate the pieces, just to put them back together, to create a new harmony.
I enjoy being treated like an object.
I like the feeling of being put in someone else’s hands and being taken to places of discomfort and fear.
I like to be shown around, I like to feel everyone's eyes on me getting off on my disgrace.
Being told what to do is a dirty feeling,
I’m not supposed to obey. Strong women don’t take orders.
Becoming a rag doll at someones disposal makes me wet. It gets even better if it comes with pain. If control is forcibly taken away from me.
My orgasms don’t belong to me anymore. I put them at someone else’s disposal as a present.
My entire body is a gift, begging to be broken down.
I want to feel their perverse desire to hurt me.
I know they’ll definitely be rewarded. They’ll get away with what they want. There’s so much I can offer,
I run deep.
I pledge to enter into an act of intimacy, vulnerability and trust.
I feel taken care of,
I feel confident to release whatever I have to release.
I see myself,
I see my own power flowing through my emotions and my own ability of opening up, releasing.
I cleanse my soul.
Even when I lose myself I know I can take the experience wherever I want.
It’s an ultimate act of autonomy.
You can’t lose yourself without owning yourself in the first place.
I’m a feminized body who has often been told I have no power,
It’s taken for granted that I don’t belong to myself.
I have to fight to reclaim my body to be able to navigate control in a way that’s true to myself.
It’s because I’ve learned to own myself that I’m able take or give up control in whatever way I want and find intense joy and pleasure on getting lost, on giving myself to others.
Consensual degradation is radically asserting that same power that is otherwise taken away from us in other spheres of life.
It’s disruption, re-appropriation,
It’s facing fear, caressing my rough edges
It’s forgiving myself.
It’s blissful self-love.
Life is tough, we experience power degradation and control - or the lack of them - in contexts that erode our spirit and strength. We all need to let go sometimes, there are only few spaces where surrendering is healing, where oblivion is necessary, where being treated like a worthless piece of crap is cathartic. There are few spaces where we can safely be in touch with our dark edges, where we can create blissful radical bonds of trust and intimacy.
For how long can we all hold the fiction of our civilised selves?